by Nancy Vogt, Indonesia Project volunteer

This past January, I headed off for Bali-where my PBI training would be held-laden with a carry-on bag full of 'pre-reading materials', a lot of questions, and a host of mixed emotions.

I grew up in New York; I live in Washington D.C. and I hadn't flown anywhere since before September 11, 2001, so there was that set of apprehensions. Although I'd already lived in Indonesia for nearly three years, it had been several years since I'd been back. And this was Bali-just three months after the terrorist bombing that had killed nearly 200 people there. How would I feel about being back in Indonesia under these circumstances? Would I feel safe?

My background is in Anthropology, in which training for fieldwork tends towards 'sink or swim' or 'trial by fire', a purposefully mysterious but necessary rite of passage. It's a bit like jumping off a bridge blindfolded, a leap of faith. As I worked my way through the PBI application process, the ten-day training looked a bit like that: unknowable beforehand but a prerequisite for joining the team. It was something I felt I very much wanted to do; exciting but also oddly mysterious and scary.

My reservations

Before I left for Bali, my strongest reservations or anxieties revolved around two things. First, the whole PBI application process seemed particularly rigorous in some rather unique ways. I wondered, weren't the lengthy written application, the three personal references, and the comprehensive telephone interview sufficient for PBI to get a clear enough sense of who I was and whether or not they would want me? Wasn't a ten-day training as a component of the overall application process really a bit over the top? I just wasn't able to create a reasonable picture in my mind of why such a long training -before being accepted - was so important. But I was certainly willing to find out!

My second major source of hesitation concerned PBI's intense focus on groups, group dynamics, and teamwork. I was anxious mostly because I'd had more than one emotionally devastating experience with very dysfunctional groups and I wasn't particularly eager for more. PBI's core philosophies and commitment to consensus decision-making, and the establishment of group processes that are non-hierarchical and egalitarian were extraordinarily appealing to me, in part because this was so different from many of the groups I had participated in. But were these ideas and claims too good to be true? Did PBI really live up to its' promises?

Many of my initial anxieties seemed to melt away during the long flights (on which I confess I enjoyed Singapore Air's selection of movies and surprisingly good foods, rather than study my many pounds of pre-reading materials). More layers vanished as I disembarked at Bali's airport, set foot once again into the familiar heat and humidity, and devoured the sights as the poorly air-conditioned cab began to wend its way out of the city and into the hills of Ubud.

First impressions

When I saw the small hotel where our group would spend the next ten days, I thought, what a delicious setting! PBI had taken over the whole hotel, which was perched on a steep incline and consisted of several individual rooms on three levels and an open-air meeting area. A few of the other participants (we were ten in all) had already arrived and were relaxing in the spring-fed pool down below. Somehow, this setting was several notches above what I had been expecting from the budget-challenged PBI. Mind you, this was no five-star Bali resort, but it was very gracious and inviting by Indonesian standards, and having seen PBI's D.C. office, I really was expecting something more on the order of a bad Motel 6. I perked up even more.

The first evening

Once everyone had arrived, we jumped right in that evening, seated on pillows on the floor in a circle in the open-air common space. We started with introductions all around, spoke about what brought us to PBI, and our hopes, fears, and expectations were for the training. We wrote these on slips of paper and stored them in envelopes, to be opened up again at the end of the training. This first evening set the tone for what was to come over the next ten days.

Three aspects of the first evening really stood out for me as each of our three trainers-Peter, Angela and Anthony-took turns speaking.

First was the idea that the training process was mutual. It was designed as much for us to learn about PBI and see if the organization was right for us, as it was about PBI to learn about us and see if we were right for them.

Second, Peter said something that especially hit home for many of us. He wanted us to understand that there was no competition in this ten-day training. It wasn't that the Indonesia project had seven slots, and there were ten of us. Rather, he said, PBI needed all of us.

The last element was something that really permeated the whole training. The trainers said that a core goal was for the group to create a safe space in which each of us could feel free to experiment, to share, to make mistakes, to try and fail, and then not be afraid to try again. For me, this last point was especially important. I felt that if I could come away from this training with that kind of positive experience from a group, I would feel that the training was a huge success-whether or not I ended up on a PBI team.

I suppose that no two PBI trainings will be exactly the same. Clearly, the trainers come with well-prepared plans and schedules. Over the course of the trainings, however, they are always modifying and adjusting specific elements to fit the needs of the particular group.

Our day

Prospective volunteers study maps of Indonesia, where many of them will be in a few months. Photo: PBI. Each day started around 7 a.m. with breakfast. Food was followed by the actual start of the training workday with the morning activity and the individual check-in. Come lunchtime, before the rains became more frequent, there was often either a mad dash for the pool (or a nap!). Evenings often held out the promise of a few beers and a good game of Mafia. The days often ran until 9 or 10 p.m., concluding with the check-out.

The day was made up of a well-thought out mix of all different kinds of participatory exercises, activities and discussions, always punctuated with those PBI favorites like 'A Big Wind Blows'. Some of the sessions were short in duration, some lasted a few hours; some were done individually, others in small or large groups. One of the greatest strengths of the training design was the incredible diversity of activities. We may have gotten exhausted, but it was rarely, if ever, boring.

An invaluable dimension of the training was provided by past and present members of the Indonesia Project team. We were also joined by Celia, the project coordinator-who, despite jet lag and a throat infection succeeded in helping us see what PBI was all about. Both individually and collectively, these folks were able to answer a lot of our saved-up questions about team life and how PBI works on the ground.

Things start to make sense

The first few days were incredibly rich and varied. It wasn't until somewhere in the middle of the training, however, that the pieces of the puzzle really started to fall into place. I felt like I was finally getting a glimpse of the big picture. It was almost literally an 'aha! moment'. Each activity and exercise visibly became a building block of the overall training process, providing tools and experiences we would later draw upon during the infamous all-day roleplay we had all heard mysterious whisperings about, and needless to say would serve us well once in the field.

Some of the individual exercises and activities worked better than others. Some could have used much more time, some could have been shortened, and maybe a few of them could have been better thought-out. But none of them were pointless or without value. Here again, each group has a different dynamic and PBI builds in a lot of time and opportunity for reflection, feedback and critique from everyone.

The topics, foci, goals and methods of the activities covered an enormous range and it would be impossible to mention them all here. Each of us had favorites though, and specific things that we individually found especially powerful, challenging and/or useful. A few of my favorites (in no particular order) included exercises where we

• mapped actors in the Aceh conflict;
• brainstormed on the roles, responsibilities and challenges specific to each of the Jakarta, Aceh and Project Committee teams;
• listened to scenarios read by one of the trainers in a 'repression exercise', judged how we would respond, and paid the consequences by relinquishing small slips of paper representing losses of health, livelihood, liberty and/or life itself;
• participated in active listening, reflection and feedback; identified physical, behavioral, cognitive and emotional signs of stress; and
• practiced 'area coverage and observation' skills.

But there was so much more. We shared honest thoughts and feelings without careening uncomfortably into being touchy-feely. There was a lot of laughter, there were also tears, and candles, a strong sense of common purpose, and LOTS of chocolate. What more can I say?

Again, each group and each training will be different. Some groups will work better than others. I think all of us felt that we had a 'good' group. We started coming together to trust and share with each other fairly early on. Each of us was very serious about our interest in PBI, respectful of and concerned for the welfare of everyone else. No one was overly abrasive or aggressive or pushy or controlling.

The training wasn't perfect, and PBI certainly isn't for everyone. But it was definitely an extraordinary experience and I'm one hundred percent glad that I took that leap. Now I have to finish my house projects and my packing up so that I can get on the road to joining the PBI team. Watch this space!